Why We Decided to Opt-Out of a Baby Shower

  1. Penny Romensas says:

    Much respect Frankie!! I wish you many blessings and sending love and prayers as you and Joe prepare for the arrival of the love of your lives!! Can’t wait to meet your little Peanut!!
    Love ya
    Penny ♥️

  2. Angela says:

    Four babies. Four showers.
    Why didn’t I think of that?!!!! Is what I’m saying right now!
    Congrats on sticking to you gut feeling— pretty much everything you’re saying here is right on! Soak up being pregnant— our bodies are amazing!

  3. Joti says:

    Girl, I feel you 100% on the no shower thing. I’m pregnant as well and literally the first thing 2 friends of my stuff is that they’ll plan my shower. And I’m like, dude, no. I hate showers. I barely liked my wedding because I was the center of attention and there were way too many people there. And I’m superstitious. Not a fan of celebrating baby when it’s not here yet. And the etiquette of gift receiving makes me crazy. Who wants to write thank you letters when you’re 8 months pregnant. Just no. Good for you!

  4. Courtney says:

    We had our daughter January 2020 and we chose not to have a shower as well for many of the same reasons you explained. I got the same reactions and the same suggestions and I know it upset and surprised a lot of people, but in the end I’m so glad I didn’t give into the pressure. My wedding shower and wedding were so stressful for me and I wanted nothing of the sort while I was pregnant.

  5. Stacei says:

    Ahhh this makes me feel so much better with my decision … i thought i was weird for “ calmly “ saying no to the idea of a baby shower. It’s my first child but i feel as though people shouldn’t need a gathering to support/give a gift ; they’re either going to do it or not.

    • Frankie Grieshaber says:

      Awe I’m so glad you stuck to your guns and said no! It’s just not for everyone and people need to understand that.

  6. Christina says:

    I just broke down in tears after my friend demanded I have a baby shower, saying it’s not up to me. I just loved reading your post, helped me give me the words I couldn’t explained before.

    • Frankie Grieshaber says:

      wow Christina, i am so sorry you had that experience. i hope you are able to celebrate your baby the EXACT way YOU want to!

  7. Rita says:

    I’ve been debating not having a shower for various reasons and I think I just need to say no ask forgo it. This will be my one and only pregnancy so I’m going to do it my way.

  8. Jocelyn says:

    Thank you for this because I’m trying for a baby right now but the thought of a baby shower gives me so much anxiety that I really wouldn’t want to have one so I’m kind of preparing on how to explain to people why I wouldn’t want one and this has helped me. I relate to what you explained but I’ll see what reactions I receive. I haven’t even told my fiancé my feelings yet. Yikes.

  9. Jana E says:

    I’m 11 weeks pregnant with my first and we just announced it and that was the first question.. When’s the shower?! I don’t want a shower. Frankly, both sides of the family are mostly nut jobs, live far away or we just don’t see often. We’re both very much introverted with a sprinkle of extrovert throughout. I was thinking of using Covid as an excuse as I am high-risk and to not have to answer as to why we don’t want one. And I just stumbled across your post and it literally made me so freaking happy! We don’t have social media but my Dad was wondering if we should or could still make a registry for him to post for the family members that ask. Would that be okay?! If not, we’re totally wanting to go with the buy as we need route. I am a minimalist so it would just drive me nuts to have extra, unnecessary things right off the bat. Your post has made us both super confident to not have a shower and continue to be the private people that we are lol thank you for posting this!

    • Frankie says:

      Omg Jana, first off congratulations! Secondly I’m so happy you are deciding to stand firmly and hold boundaries about not wanting a baby shower. It takes guts nowadays to say it! We made an registry off Amazon with like 10-15 large items that people could contribute $ to or just buy outright. It was great! Highly recommend adding Uber eats gift cards for those days in late pregnancy or especially when the baby is here when you don’t feel like experiencing the outside world with a newborn. I used mine once my husband went back to work and there was no one around to help with daytime meals. I truly hope your pregnancy and baby are healthy, and that your nut house family respects your wishes!

  10. Lady in TX says:

    Ten weeks with first baby (current plan is only), 38 and had a 160ish person wedding in November of 2019. Super thankful for our wedding and for my parents providing us with a beautiful day and memory, but after all of that I figured out that was probably the only event for us I wanted to ever have in life. Lol
    I also have a best friend that has ALL OF THE EVENTS for EVERYTHING, which I feel has also had some influence on my thoughts on personal events. So refreshing to read this blog post as I connected with so much of it and helped validate my thought process. Hope you and your family are doing well!! 🙂

  11. CJ says:

    Thank uou for sharing your thoughts on this. I am 20 weeks pregnant and as my due approaches I am starting to feel the pressure from others about our baby shower plans. I am throwing a gender reveal soon and I didn’t how time and money I actually needed to plan this. After adding up the costs for a baby shower, I’ve decided to opt out of a baby shower as well. For those who have negative thoughts/comments about my decision I will just encourage them to fund the shower since they want to party so bad. Plus living in CA is not cheap. I need to save for rent, maternity leave, A HOUSE…. So yeah I will happily accept prayers, diaper/wipes, essential baby items and just support overall.

  12. Kristin says:

    This is so refreshing to read!! My bridal shower and wedding caused me so much anxiety because I hate being the center of attention and I hate feeling like I need to please and entertain people. My husband and I are trying to live a more minimalistic and sustainable lifestyle and shower culture is basically the opposite. I’ve looked into no gift wrapping and compostable paper products and the anxiety is already getting to me because I feel like I will be judged for that. The planning hasn’t gone too far and I’m wondering if I should just request no shower.

  13. Royce says:

    My feelings summed up in one blog. Thank you for this Frankie!

  14. Courtney says:

    Thank you for this blog! The more I thought about having a shower the more I dreaded it. I just told my mom and she’s okay with it. Everything is so expensive too and I hate for people to waste money. AND THEN have to receive unneeded gifts that will ultimately be returned. Ugh. I’m so happy to know I’m not alone in this feeling.

  15. Im currently 31 weeks pregnant, my Husband and I live in a condo, with three dogs, my husband has a big family while my family are in Philippines.. I recently moved here when we got married.. so I don have the circle of friends yet, we usually hangouts with my husband cousins and family. Im 33 y/o my husband is 41 y/o youngest in their generation.. Im confused and stress how we will manage our baby shower (mother-in law is bugging me about it) my husband is her only child, and our baby is the first grandchild… so as i have mentioned we live in a condo.. so family and friends wont really fit in our place.. plus i have to think of everything from food, to decorations, to venue…. Etc., AND RECENTLY MY DOCTOR ORDERED ME TO BE ON BED REST.. im hating it coz it seems that baby shower is for the sake of getting gift which is so annoying.. we can just buy the stuff rather than spending it to baby shower right!? I feel like i dont want to have a baby shower if its only for the gift.. (but my mother in law though.. HELP!

    • Frankie G says:

      Hi Mary!

      First off congrats on your baby! So exciting! Secondly I am sorry you are being pressured into a baby shower. It’s hard to say no to family, but if your doctor put you on bed rest, YOU SHOULD BE RESTING. I would suggest calling and speaking to the family members and telling them the shower is putting stress on you and the baby and you are on bed rest. You don’t want to put the bay at risk just for a party. If people want to send gifts they can via your registry and mail them to the house. This conversation will be difficult but again if you’re supposed to be resting that that’s what you should be doing, for your mental health and the baby’s well being.

  16. Aisha says:

    I love everything about this! My husband and I did not have a wedding – we got married at the courthouse and called it a day! We instead had a wedding celebration dinner where our family and friends celebrated our marriage, and we revealed the gender of our baby. I haven’t even gotten around to the thank you’s of the celebration dinner, and now everyone is asking about a baby shower which I do not want to think about right now.

    We are in the midst of trying to purchase a home. I have reluctantly opted in for a virtual baby shower (which even that seems daunting being that my whole work from home life is virtual everything)… this blog is giving me so much courage to just opt out of a shower completely.

    Thank you for sharing this with the world! 💕

  17. Cecily says:

    Frankie, you are my kind of lady! It’s almost as if this post was written for me! I’m in my first trimester, but I do not want a baby shower for the same reasons you listed: I do not like attention, unnecessary gifts, and no additional free time. I’m an ambivert, but my husband is more of an introvert. I, too, created an Amazon registry of about 30 gifts. I may consider having a website for the baby and sip and see after the baby is born (maybe).

    Thanks for sharing your opinion, I really appreciate it! It makes me feel like I’m not alone.

  18. Malta says:

    I came across this post and I cannot thank you and be agree with you and so well said. This reassure me on my decision as I was debating if I should have a baby shower or not. I am 6 months pregnant and this is my first baby. We have families in France and the UK and I am living in the UK with my husband; the thought of bringing our close friends and family from France to a baby shower already give me anxiety…. This was the case for our wedding this year, I cannot see myself, my husband nor the baby going through this. I appreciate my sister and sister-in-law wanted to throw a baby shower for me but I couldn’t make my decision at that time they asked so I have been very vague with my response. We are not against the gifts and we welcome anyone that wish to get something for the baby, but like you said I don’t like waste, unnecessary items and have no time for that… I will be on maternity leave soon and I rather focus on myself and the arrival of the baby that organising a party and managing our guests.

  19. Alexandra says:

    I am 13 weeks due in april with my first i found out kinda late that i was pregnant so i feel pressured to figure it all out. Gender reveal, baby shower, cribs ect. This is exactly what I needed to read I whole heartedly appreciate your honesty about this. The anxiety of it all is just a lot and you hit it on the head with the attention that’s not me. I just wanna buy the things that’s needed as I go and right babies have no clue they just need you and all the love and support. THANK YOU FOR THIS REALLY. ❤

  20. Abby L says:

    I told my family I don’t want one and they are trying to push a virtual one. My husband and I both just don’t want the stress and attention. Thank you for sharing!

  21. Crystal says:

    Glad to see someone put my thoughts into words!

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