You’re engaged! What!!! Yass!! So exciting!! You’re thinking of your dress, the venue and most importantly your crew. Your girl gang. Your ride or dies. Your bridesmaids. A lot of thought goes into choosing the ladies that will stand by your side on the most important day of your life. This blog post is about how we can avoid tension, drama and keep the peace between you and your girls during wedding the entire wedding process. I reached out to past, present and future bridesmaids and asked specific questions and heres what they had to say.

Q 1: How much were you expecting to spend vs how much did you actually spend?

From all the responses I got it seems like anywhere between $500-$1000 is a normal range of what a bridesmaid will spend from the time you get engaged to the wedding day.

Broken down I would guess it would go something like this:

Dress and Shoes: $100-$200

Hair and Makeup: $200

Bridal Party Decor and Gift: $150

Bachelorette Party: Hotel Room, Going Out etc. $300

Wedding Week: Nails, Brunch, Last Minute Errands $300

I just want to say, that if you are not in a position to financially be a bridesmaid, IT’S OKAY TO SAY NO. If you are the bride and you know one or multiple number of your girls cannot afford to be a bridesmaid, don’t ask them. Or ask them if they feel comfortable with spending money on being a bridesmaid. Try and be as sensitive as you can with everyones financial situation. Yes, it’ll be an uncomfortable conversation, but is having a bridesmaid be stressed about spending money for your wedding really something you want? Is that really worth it? They can still be a part of your celebration like going with you dress shopping, or running errands, and helping you do research etc.. They can still be a part of your wedding day without being a bridesmaid and potentially putting themselves into debt and possibly creating tension between you and her.

Q 2: What responsibilities were you happy to take over?

Expected Responsibilities:

• Planning the Bridal Shower
• Bachelorette Party
• Researching Ideas
• Wedding Day Brunch
• Helping out with Timeline/Vendor Coordination, Transportation

I didn’t hear too much from people of expectations that were asking too much. Seems like most bride’s know what is a reasonable thing to ask and what isn’t. I would say if the bride asks anything that makes a bridesmaid uncomfortable, she has the right to say something. I don’t believe that just because you’re getting married and having a wedding that means that you can expect your girls to do whatever you want. Everyone has limits and boundaries should be respected.

Q 3: What can the bride do to make things fair and equal?

A reoccurring theme I saw here was COMMUNICATION. Expectations need to be made crystal clear from the beginning on both sides. If you are in a tight situation and cannot afford to be in the wedding party, as much as it may suck, be honest and communicate that to the bride. If you are the bride, let your girls know EXACTLY what you’re excited about, what you’re stressed about, what you’re dreams and expectations are. Your girls love you and want you to have the world, but they aren’t mind readers. So tell them and if they communicate back that they are having a hard time giving you what you want, respond with grace and compassion. Not bitterness or resentment.

Another theme was as the bride, make sure you can spend equal time with each bridesmaid during the planning process. Even though the Maid of Honor’s role is heavier than the other bridesmaids, it’s still important that the MOH doesn’t feel overwhelmed and that all the girls feel comfortable to take the lead if it’s something they want to take control of. There should be a sense of community and girl gang-ness not competition.

“Be ready to devote your time, money and advice to the bride and groom.” – Real Bridesmaid

No, No’s for a Bridesmaid

• Try not to cause drama between you and the other bridesmaids or with the bride
• Telling the bride about drama
• Complaining about duties or who you are walking with in the ceremony
• Being Negative
• Don’t get upset if you don’t get a Plus One

Was the Best Part? What Was the Hardest Part?

The Best Part

• Taking Photos
• Bachelorette Party
• Celebrating Your Best Friend
• Free Booze
• Watching your Best Friend Get Married

The Worst Part

• Feeling under-appreciated by bridesmaids and watching them take credit
• The other bridesmaids
• Dealing with miscommunication within the wedding party
• Diffusing drama

What should you bring with you the day of the wedding?

• Flats for Dancing
• Button up shirt so you don’t ruin your hair and makeup
• Bobby Pins and Hair Ties
• Band Aids
• Safety Pins
• Tissues
• Super Glue
• Advil
• Water
• Deodorant
• Good and Go with the Flow Attitude!!

So there it is! A Bridesmaid Q and A. Overall, being asked to be a bridesmaid is an honor, it’s awesome, but that doesn’t mean it doesn’t come with challenges. If you don’t have the mental or financial capacity, it’s okay to say no. It’s okay to be bridesmaid of the year and go above and beyond! Most of all, HAVE FUN and enjoy this time in your besties life.

Be Good,

Frankie